Understanding

Understanding means to have knowledge of, or to be sympathetic to. Understanding between children and parents is often elusive, particularly when one or the other is frequently distracted by the demands of a busy world. Parents, in particular, often neglect the effort necessary to understand what is going on with a child, especially when the child is misbehaving. This frequently occurs because the parent is not in touch with their own emotional responses when confronted with an uncooperative or disturbed child.

Within the context of the stress model, I believe that children act out - behave with anger - because they are stressed and fearful. Parents have been conditioned to accept anger on the surface and often respond with anger of their own, or by becoming emotionally distant in return. However, if the parent is self-aware and can recognize that the anger expressed by the child is truly misdirected fear, the parent can set aside their own fear and choose to respond in a loving and understanding manner. The child, in turn, will experience a lessing of fear and stress, and the interaction between the two will calm, opening the way for further understanding. This is an example of the Family-Centered Regulatory Parenting model in action - the interactive regulation of stress and fear, leading to acceptance, love and understanding.

Tomorrow, I will talk about the importance of empathy in the parent-child relationship.

Have a blessed day.