Expressing Needs and Feelings

Once you begin communicating to your childen what you need - eye contact, listening to you, picking up their room, etc., they will soon be able to express their needs to you. It is important that we hear our children when they express their needs, and acknowledge them. Children who become mistrustful that their needs will be heard or met become less and less likely to expres them.

Like other aspects of communication, expressing needs requires time, work, and conscious effort. For example, when working to express needs or feelings, sometimes it is important to use phrases such as "I need" or "I feel." When you express a need to your child, do not let him ignore you or the need; instead, ask him whether he has heard you and understands what you have said - in other words, make it clear that you expect him to acknowledge your need or feeling and that he understands it. In return, when your child expresses to you that she is very mad, do not respond defensively; rather, restate the sentence - "You are really mad; please tell me about it." This validates how the child feels and allows you to tune into her anger and find out why she is angry."

Next posting, we'll talk about how to better communicate affection to your child.

Have a blessed day.