Using Homework and Bedtime As Bonding Activities

Too often, children spend the entire day (8 hours) experiencing the same kind of stress at school that their parents do at work -- and then they are sent home with another several hours of homework! By doing homework with your child, you are offering to spend time with him and you are communicating that his daily activities, stresses, and school requirements are important to you.

Another great way to bond with your child is at bedtime. One of the most natural and regular opportunities for gathering a family together is in the family bed. Unfortunately, in the United States at least (and in other Western countries as well), society has moved away from shared sleeping arrangements toward the rather rigid supposition that children must learn to sleep by themselves as soon as possible. In fact, bonding through physical proximity, touching, holding each other and sleeping together is a basic human need, particularly for children.

Many parents want to know when it is appropriate for a child to begin sleeping by herself. The answer is, whenever it is natural for the parent or for the child to separate. Often, children will ask for their own beds, recognizing that it is a step toward "getting bigger." If it is the parent who decides that the child may no longer sleep with them, it is important to gradually transfer the child from the adult bed to the child's bed. When you put your child to bed, you must go to his bed with him. "Tucking the child in" with expressions of affection and an easy-going, relaxed attitude can create a happy time for the child. Telling stories, reading, or singing a song that is gentle and soothing will help him to feel comfortable and secure. Stay close to him until he is asleep, and then come back to your own bed. Leaving a night light on is important in case he awakens during the night and chooses to come back to your bed. At that point, simply walk him back to his bed and soothe him to sleep.

The time spent with your child at bedtime strengthens the bond between you by helping him to become more relaxed about sleeping, knowing that you are there for him if he should need you, and enabling everyone to have a good night's rest.

I hope that this discussion will help you to discover daily ways to bond with your child and build a strong foundation of family security, love, and acceptance.

Have a blessed day.