Using Homework and Bedtime As Bonding Activities

Too often, children spend the entire day (8 hours) experiencing the same kind of stress at school that their parents do at work -- and then they are sent home with another several hours of homework! By doing homework with your child, you are offering to spend time with him and you are communicating that his daily activities, stresses, and school requirements are important to you.

Another great way to bond with your child is at bedtime. One of the most natural and regular opportunities for gathering a family together is in the family bed. Unfortunately, in the United States at least (and in other Western countries as well), society has moved away from shared sleeping arrangements toward the rather rigid supposition that children must learn to sleep by themselves as soon as possible. In fact, bonding through physical proximity, touching, holding each other and sleeping together is a basic human need, particularly for children.

Many parents want to know when it is appropriate for a child to begin sleeping by herself. The answer is, whenever it is natural for the parent or for the child to separate. Often, children will ask for their own beds, recognizing that it is a step toward "getting bigger." If it is the parent who decides that the child may no longer sleep with them, it is important to gradually transfer the child from the adult bed to the child's bed. When you put your child to bed, you must go to his bed with him. "Tucking the child in" with expressions of affection and an easy-going, relaxed attitude can create a happy time for the child. Telling stories, reading, or singing a song that is gentle and soothing will help him to feel comfortable and secure. Stay close to him until he is asleep, and then come back to your own bed. Leaving a night light on is important in case he awakens during the night and chooses to come back to your bed. At that point, simply walk him back to his bed and soothe him to sleep.

The time spent with your child at bedtime strengthens the bond between you by helping him to become more relaxed about sleeping, knowing that you are there for him if he should need you, and enabling everyone to have a good night's rest.

I hope that this discussion will help you to discover daily ways to bond with your child and build a strong foundation of family security, love, and acceptance.

Have a blessed day.

Families and Bonding Activities

Good Monday on this fall morning. Well, now that summer has passed us by, and we're back to the busy activities of the school year, I've been thinking about some of the best ways for families to connect in this ever-increasing hectic world of ours. I have three essential bonding activities that I would like to discuss.

In order for families to bond together and create the profound sense of security and belonging that a close family creates, it is important to spend time together. Researchers have told us that one of the primary determinants of the closeness of relationships is what is known as "proximity" - literally being physically close to one another. Parents and their children are no different. Indeed, becoming aware of the opportunities that life provides to "gather stones together" makes for a richer and deeper experience in the family, and provides times that all can work and learn together. Some of these times - and the benefits that thoughtful utilization of them can offer - are discussed below.

Chores
"Do you chores." If, like most of us, those words bring back memories of a childhood when chores were uniformly negative, then you must consciously choose to recreate the concept of daily tasks, transforming them into an opportunity for training your children in the skills they will need to become healthy adults. "Training" in this sense refers not only to teaching specific values and skills, but also to the interaction between the teacher and the student - the parent and the child. Doing chores provides children with a sense of responsibility and cooperation. Since all children are not equally skilled or self-confident in the way they approach household tasks, parents should be willing to work alongside their child to get chores done when it seems that the child is struggling.

One of the benefits of giving regular chores to children is that they create a natural structure in the home, and throughout the passage of the week. Knowing that certain tasks have to be done, and knowing when they are to be done (and why) teaches children much about the process of constructing our days in a positive and ordered manner. Also, doing chores teaches children that there are certain things in life that must be attended to before a reward is received. In this way, children learn to delay gratification while at the same time developing a healthy self-image that enables them to select and complete tasks with confidence, knowing that gratification will come after time.

What can parents do to help children get the most out of their chores? One of the most important things a parent can do is "pitch in" and help the child do the chore. Parental involvement should not be an excuse for our response to unwillingness of the child to work on daily tasks, but it can provide an opportunity to spend time together, to learn, to communicate, and to train the child in the basic requirements of life.

Next time, we'll discuss Homework as a bonding activity.

Have a blessed day.